Toke's On These Humorless Jerks 

  Toke's On These Humorless Jerks 

Posted by FoM on April 10, 2002 at 07:55:07 PT
By Andrea Peyser 
Source: New York Post 

Like Mayor Bloomberg, former President Bill Clinton, Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, former Rep. Newt Gingrich, Gov. Pataki, and others I can't remember, much less care about, I've smoked marijuana. Unlike many of these prominent party animals, I didn't like it. Pot propelled me to manically clean my dorm room at SUNY New Paltz, then crouch behind locked doors until imaginary cops left the building. And then, there was that unfortunate incident involving Twinkies and ketchup... 
The nice folks at NORML, the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws, came to New York yesterday to make trouble. For one thing, NORML hid its press conference in a tiny, sweltering upstairs room at the New York Sheraton, leaving drug-addled members of the media no instructions how to find the party. Worse, these earnest pot-pushing Washingtonites left their senses of humor on the Delta shuttle. Worse yet, they provided no munchies. (A colleague complained that they provided no samples.) For 30 years, the graying gasbags of NORML have pushed to decriminalize recreational use and possession of marijuana. In their quest to save fellow cannabis aficionados from the indignation of a night in the slammer, they've found an unwitting champion: Mayor Bloomberg, who was once quoted as saying he "enjoyed" the weed. Now, the NORML jokers are threatening to plaster his picture on buses and telephone booths, as if to tell New Yorkers it's OK to get high. Getting serious for a just a moment, the NORML folks got a tad agitated when I asked about those rival ads from the federal government, which say that when you buy marijuana, your money goes to terrorists. They say it doesn't. Worse was when I asked if they carried any pot in their pockets. "Do you?" shot back an indignant Dr. John Morgan, illustrating the drug's paranoia-inducing side effect. I had no pot. But I was desperate for a snack. The guy beside me was jonesing for a joint. All of which made me miss Rudy Giuliani. He would have tossed these troublemakers out on the pavement. And maybe even provided pretzels. Source: New York Post (NY)Author: Andrea PeyserPublished: April 10, 2002 Copyright: 2002 N.Y.P. Holdings, Inc.Contact: letters nypost.comWebsite: Articles & Web Sites:NORML Ad - Pictures & Articles Potshot at Mayor - NYDN Campaign Needed Lobby Picks Bloomberg

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Comment #48 posted by FoM on April 14, 2002 at 15:35:42 PT
Thanks for the kind words. What can I say about it all. I don't know why people write some of the articles they do. I realize that people don't see everything the way I do. I have a one track mind. Change must come and hopefully it will. One day a light might go on in someone's head and go oh now I think I get it. It's like me not knowing what is happening in Venezuela. I feel bad because I don't but I don't. Some people just don't know about why we feel the way we do about marijuana laws I think.
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Comment #47 posted by MDG on April 14, 2002 at 15:13:39 PT
You're just too kind! :) I can tell you're a genuinely sensitive person.
I found the same thing you did, when she and I exchanged e-mails. Her main disagreements were with NORML, not "us", nor with reforming these laws in general. However, I still think the published letter did everyone a disservice, and explained nothing about what she really believes, which is bewildering to say the least.
Take care.
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Comment #46 posted by FoM on April 13, 2002 at 19:57:33 PT
I removed my comment. I spoke with Andrea and she was not against reform at all. That's what I got from talking to her a couple times.
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Comment #45 posted by MDG on April 13, 2002 at 18:33:37 PT

Never defend the person you're trying to kill.
Look, I didn't say she "didn't mean it" or whatever the hell you think I did. What I said is that she is more sympathetic than we thought, and much more than she let on with what I called "embarassing" behavior, comparing her actions and subsequent bragging like "a teenager video-taping a childish prank". In my last post, what I was trying to do is show that 1) we should still respond 2) she is closer to being on "our" side than we knew. I do think she has the responsibility as a journalist to not write this crap, which is what I said in my initial letter to her. However, it appears you'd rather eliminate the "enemy" instead of making an ally. When someone says something inflammatory like "You're a bitch with PMS" the respondent can choose to negate the statement by engaging the person who said it, or affirm it by reacting in the expected fashion. What I did was address the things with which I took issue. Then, she was kind enough to respond and exchange beliefs/ideas in several e-mails. I guess what I should have done is just trash her and be done with her, huh? After all, I certainly wouldn't be reinforcing the points in the article, would I? I think the last time I bothered to post anything here the same thing happened; I defended a teenager who wrote something foolish in the same fashion as I did this time, and we got into the same kind of "debate". I have better things to do than argue with someone on the internet about what they think I said.
Pink Pistols
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Comment #44 posted by kaptinemo on April 13, 2002 at 06:54:54 PT:

Good, Bad or Indifferant
So, Ms. Peyser 'didn't mean' it? It was "all in fun"? Then this warm, yellow liquid she tried to spray on our faces really is rain?Sorry, I am not buying any of it.She should have made it clear from the outset what her intention was. It might have led me to conclude that she wasn't 'dissing' us. As it is, she was no doubt thinking that she could afford to sneer at potheads because 'everybody does it'. They're such good sports, always shucking and jiving, such wonderful foils to play stereotypical put-downs on. They won't mind taking crap from her, because we take crap from everybody. After all, they don't want to speak up and identify themselves to the rest and draw sopme cop's attention...and fulfill a desire for a personally safe collar (we're far less likely to be armed and put up a fight than say a heroin or coke dealer).Do you know why it's not so politically correct anymore to put down gays? Because they fight back. Every time someone so-called 'journalist' forgets their political clout and makes an off-color observation, the journalist and his/her paper are reminded that that clout is anything but minimal.We are, to use a terr's lexicon, a 'soft target'. It is inexpensive to publicly fire cheap shots at us...and because of our politically vulnerable state, those shots can really hurt. But these callous 'journalist' types don't care; they'll just keep firing them at us...until either a ricochet makes them bleed....or we do. Deliberately. With our letters.It's long past time we let these borderline 'journalists' know that the days of 'the giggle factor', like the days of the 'fruit factor', are gone. Or we'll never get the level of respect these many erudite commentaries here prove we deserve...
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Comment #43 posted by MDG on April 11, 2002 at 18:56:16 PT

Ms. Peyser...
After my initial letter and subsequent e-mail correspondence, I have found her to be quite amicable, and not a person particularly deserving of a Joyce Nalepka-sized thrashing. She is very sympathetic to the MMJ issue, as well. I just wish she had mentioned that in her letter, instead of briefly trashing Dr. Morgan, which we will obviously take as hostility toward a very serious issue(since we hear it all the time!).Hopefully, in her next related article, she mentions the common ground we share, instead of isolating "us" when attacking the people of NORML (I say "us" because we move toward a common goal for differing reasons). I believe more people might have been inclined to wonder if the NORML ads are the most effective way to gain publicity. Yet, as I mentioned to her, bad publicity is generally better than good publicity. Just ask Calvin Klein from around 1997.
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Comment #42 posted by Sam Adams on April 11, 2002 at 10:11:06 PT

Great letters guys....
On the subject of being rude to Dr. Morgan, I would remind the author and everyone else that Dr. Morgan's wife is afflicted with Multiple Sclerosis. He is her primary caregiver and directly sees the effect of cannabis on someone with a terrible disease every day. So you can understand what drives his cannabis reform work.You can also understand how insensitive, rude and just plain tasteless Andrea's verbal harassment of Dr. Morgan was.
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Comment #41 posted by paul peterson on April 11, 2002 at 09:48:56 PT:

Have you guys no sense of humor? This lady, a real loose cannon, just wrote an article in the style of a stoner, replete with colloquialisms rarely seen in formal writing, and with loose associations tied directly to the "subculture", effectively "dissing" NORML & ANYBODY ELSE WORTH talking about (on the subject) and she did it in a NEW YORK PAPER no less. We have arrived, finally, and finely. We have the finest of the finest journalists in the world (THATS WHY THEY CALL IT NEW YORK CITY), using our jargon to Diss us, and you guys have posted some 40 responses to far, in a mere day or two! THIS LADY IS BRINGING OUR COMMUNITY OUT IN DROVES SHE IS! Hats off to her, for doing in disdain, what nobody else could do more profane, even if they wanted to provoke a more "positive" result.I've got my own little thingy going on here in ILLINOIS, the Land of Lincoln which matches her story- I started this sleepy little web site three weeks ago, I can't get any funding, nobody visits, nobody calls, nobody seems to care that ILLINOIS has this world class medical marijuana law on the books for 30 years now, and now somebody (I'm thinking DEA land), goes and WIPES MY WEB SITE OFF THE MAP-gone-no trace-no links-no explanation-yesterday-right before 1) bush has this DARE day thingy, 2) the Rice conference in Texas, 3) SSDP has this quality conference in Chicago, 4) I've got my trial coming up 4/22 (for them to say I will never be a lawyer again, because I have claimed these people committed FRAUD, PERJURY, MAIL FRAUD, even into the Illinois Supreme Court (ARDC is run by the ISC). So today I have asked the FBI to investigate who violated my First Amendment rights, eh?What are my bets for whether they will 1) even acknowledge my request, 2) even try to look like they are investigate this CONTENT BASED SCRUTINY? 3) if they find the GUILTY PARTY, will they tell me?, 4) will they prosecute the GUILTY PARTY? 5) will FIRST AMENDMENT RIGHTS prevail?Or should I be worried that the next knock on the door will be the man, sticking me in some dank cell just for sticking up for what I believe. STAY TUNED, AND KEEP POSTING THOSE MESSAGES HERE-(remember, I no longer have a site to take your cards and letters. PAUL PETERSON 312-558-9999 (but remember, they are probably listening in so be discreet).
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Comment #40 posted by qqqq on April 11, 2002 at 00:16:02 PT

What about that song?
.."Meeeeeeee yeeeeyeeyyeeee an missus Jones missus Jones missus Jones.........We got a thaing,,,,,goin' on,,,but it's much too strong....??
...was that Billy Paul?
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Comment #39 posted by Hope on April 11, 2002 at 00:06:01 PT

Great Jones Street
East Third Street becomes Great Jones Street between Broadway and the Bowery. Jones is Samuel Jones, a lawyer sometimes called Father of the New York Bar. He owned the land on which Great Jones Street now runs and bequeathed the property to the city with the caveat that any street that ran through the land be named for him. (from the NYT)
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Comment #38 posted by Hope on April 11, 2002 at 00:02:30 PT

The Great Jones Street in New York City
Just last month I was reading an article in the New York Times about Great Jones Street in New York, supposedly being the source of that saying. The article was about the area being refurbished or something and it was just talking about the street and mentioned that it was where the term Jonesing came from.It's apparently between the Bowery and Times Square and years ago (the article is over a week old now and I'd have to pay them to get the whole thing) it was apparently the place where people were most likely to be able to get drugs easily and that when people ran out or tried to quit it had apparently become the thing to say without outright saying, "I'm going to get drugs." They said, "I'm Jonesing"...which meant they were headed to Great Jones Street to get drugs. I meant to save the article...but if I did, I've deleted it.Of course, the author could have been wrong....but that's apparently the belief in New York.
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Comment #37 posted by MDG on April 10, 2002 at 22:49:42 PT

"A polite response to your article".
It's been a long time since I've posted anything here, but I thought I'd share my e-mail to Ms. Peyser. Ms. Peyser,
  After reading your article, "Toke's On These Humorless Jerks", I must say I'm puzzled, disappointed, and somewhat irritated.
  First, I'm puzzled at why you would use such an
aggressive and insulting tone when addressing a medical practitioner, Dr. John Morgan. Dr. Morgan undoubtedly has a much greater understanding of the plant (yes, "plant") than you, since he is a medical practitioner, and his level of education (let alone work experience) most likely exceeds yours. Yet, when your own loaded question is re-directed to you, the "indignant Dr. John Morgan, illustrat[es] the drug's paranoia-inducing side effect". One might say that you, in fact, are the paranoid one; taking direct
response as "indignant paranoia".
  Secondly, I'm disappointed that someone who, quite
possibly, has a BA in Journalism would write an article full of such pathetic drivel, let alone go out in public to embarrass herself like one of Howard Stern's goons. Then, to publish an article which tells all readers of her pitiful actions like a teenager video-taping a childish prank, well...I am truly embarrassed for you.
  Finally, I am irritated; irritated that there are still people who, rather than looking into medical research (as the "indignant-paranoid" would have happily shared), or speaking with suffering patients (once again, Dr. Morgan might have helped you) merely spew forth insult and indignation.
  Please do yourself a favor and try your hand at true journalism. Otherwise, just forward your resume to Howard Stern; I'm sure he's looking for someone to replace Hank, "The Angry, Drunken Dwarf".Regards,
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Comment #36 posted by DdC on April 10, 2002 at 20:43:10 PT

Newtional Deafence Color Code Broken! Film at 11

Washington BC
Today reports coming in saying foreign spies have broken Tom Ridge's Color Coding system of the security of the notion, and are posting it throughout the internet, virtually rendering it useless. Sources say it was deciphered while the spies were sitting at a traffic light. A new system is in the works states Airy Fetcher, W's House spoker, and should be about ready soon.Also on the local front the WoD has been temporarily postponed do to the side effects from the insanity of its perpetuaters...Stay Tuned for Furthur Developments!Update: This Justin...
The New and Improved Tom Terrific's Homeland Security Inc. Warning Level System, re-Color Coded for Your Conveeeeeeeeenience!

WoD found to be caused by Insanity
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Comment #33 posted by dddd on April 10, 2002 at 19:01:57 PT

..Take the 4D challenge!!!...
....I wanted to try and find what alert color level we are on...after all,we got this chart,,with color coded alert levels??,,..If someone can hunt down what color of alert we are on today,,I will send you an autographed picture of me and my dog,,, and you will recieve a all expense paid weekend in Nova Scotia,,and I will be your host..This offer will include a night on the town with FoM,,Kaptinemo,and Dan B!..later in the evening Dr Ethan Russo and qqqq will do their musical show in which they imitate famous stars of the past!...Ethan does a very convincing Paul Simon!,,and it's lucky,because 4qs Garfunkel is quite shitty.......however,,according to Goneposthole,,Russo and qqqq do an excellent Jan & Dean,,and they close the show with a flawless Hall & Oates medley!..It's an occassion and event that's not to be missed.....Please,,,,take the challenge...dddd
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Comment #32 posted by dddd on April 10, 2002 at 18:19:25 PT

.I think it's time for some real fun!
....I think that you will greatly enjoy visiting this website.......I decided to see what terrorist threat color we were under...? know,,the new homeland security/Tom Ridge system of threat management with a color coded system that somehow will let all citizens what level of terrorist threat they can expect.?.... ..
..Anyway,,I became curious,and I thought surely the Terror Threatometer must be nearly red because of the flag-burning parties,and protests by over-sensitive Arabs through out the middle east,,??.. well,,in case you havnt heard,,alot of people are really pissed about Isreal doing the SWAT team raid on Palestinian territories....... I visited .
..I highly reccommend a visit to this site!..You should see it while you will get to see the terror-threat color coded chart...It is an astonishing precious gem of absurd governmental idiocy...I'm serious, ,,take a look . It is so fuckin' bizarre that you will think it's fake!...........Visit the link and see the color chart! will be awestruck!..dddd
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Comment #31 posted by DdC on April 10, 2002 at 17:18:58 PT

The Hashish Club in Napal

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Comment #30 posted by DdC on April 10, 2002 at 17:13:44 PT

What a dork UR Peyser, but then what else?
I think 735,000 arrest last year permits a tad of paranoia...Racist Fascism can NEVER cause negative effects in Cannabis, only from WoD's Racist Fascism...and abuse from unawareness. Vested Ignorance keeping out Cannabis competition is not farfetched knowing the thousands of past and present Government Interventions doing bad in the name of good, starting with slavery and the Native American Holocaust to the Tuskegee and MKULTRA tests to this days Nazism War on plants and some drugs Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld doesn't sell!!!
re-Legalize NOT Compromises!
Peace, Love and Liberty or!
DdCFoM, my understanding is too Jones or Jonz is to have an almost irrisistable craving for something, the typical picture of the junkie with wide eyes and anxiety waiting for the dope. 
I think it came out of the old Hepsters and Beatniks in the 50's, keeping up with the Jones' is known as envy. Cheech and Chong took the term for craving opiates and applied it to Basketball, and thats the way it was this day in History, 4.10.2002...American High Society Linx/Forefathers Deist Stoners, not Christians! Hashish Club'THE HASHISH CLUB' was the name given to a the group of French writers and artists who first banded together in the years just before the Second Republic to experiment with, and record their experiences, of hashish ....... All were united in a search for new forms of expresssion and enlightenment ....... the assembled writers (and painters) comparing their symptons under hashish or opium, and speculating on how their imagination and the writer's art might be stimulated or betrayed by drugs". ("The Hashish Club. -- an Anthology of Drug Literature" edited by Peter Haining, publ. 1975 by Peter Owen Limited) EDGAR ALLAN POE, 1809-49.
 - "Usually I had half filled the bowl of the hookah with opium and tobacco cut and mningled, half and half.THEOPHILE GAUTIER, 1811-72.
-"Hashish has nothing of that ignoble drunkenness about it which the races of the North obtain from wine and alcohol ; it offers an intellectual intoxication". (Essay, 1844) CHARLES PIERRE BAUDELAIRE, 1821-67.
 - "Now, even if we admit for a moment that hashish can confer genius, or at least increase it, it must not be forgotten that it is the nature of hashish to weaken the will, and so to give with one hand what it takes away with the other, that is, to bestow imagination without the power to make use of it" ("Les Paridis Artificiels", 1860) American High Society High Society, a subchapter from "Hemp: Lifeline To The Future," by Chris Conrad. Dr. Burke, president of the American Historical Reference Society and a consultant for the Smithsonian Institute, counted seven early presidents as cannabis smokers: George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, James Monroe, Andrew Jackson, Zachary Taylor and Franklin Pierce. Madison once remarked that hemp gave him insight to create a new and democratic nation. Cannabis was twice as popular among American soldiers in the Mexican War as in Vietnam: Pierce wrote to his family that it was "about the only good thing" about that war.Perilous Play, by Louisa May Alcott"If someone does not propose a new and interesting amusement, I shall die of ennui!" said pretty Belle Daventry, in a tone of despair..."How mysterious! What is it? Let me see, first!" And Belle removed the cover, looking like an inquisitive child. "Only bonbons; how stupid! That won't do, sir. We don't want to be fed with sugar-plums. We demand to be amused." "Eat six of these despised bonbons, and you will be amused in a new, delicious, and wonderful manner," said the young doctor, laying half a dozen on a green leaf and offering them to her. "Why, what are they?" she asked, looking at him askance. "Hashish; did you never hear of it?"Continued... Used to Enforce the Law hemp plant has had a curious relationship with the world’s legal codes throughout the ages. As noted before, it has variously been illegal to grow hemp and not to grow it at different times. But hemp has also played a direct role in law enforcement.For example: The most serious punishment/rehabilitation meted out in many African tribes for capital crimes was forcing the transgressor to smoke massive amounts of dagga (cannabis) non-stop for hours on end in a small, enclosed hut until he passes out—literally unconscious from inhaling the fumes. The equivalent of a year or two’s supply for a heavy American smoker is consumed in just an hour or so. Does it work? African users say the rate of repeat criminal offenses after dagga treatment is virtually non-existent.Carl Sagan: A Life in The Cosmos Emperor Wears No Clothes by Jack Herer

The Great Marijuana Hoax By Alan Ginsberg
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Comment #29 posted by FoM on April 10, 2002 at 16:24:34 PT

Just a Note
I received a reply from the author and will think about her questions and will answer. I don't believe in posting others email but I felt I could mention about the response though.
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Comment #28 posted by boppy on April 10, 2002 at 15:45:31 PT

Mikeee is right...
You are correct, sir. We shouldn't get to riled by this. Consider the source. The New York Post...The National Enquirer...the covers to both publications look the same.
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Comment #27 posted by FoM on April 10, 2002 at 15:42:12 PT

Yup a little bird and it came straight from the horse's mouth! How do you like that one! LOL!
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Comment #26 posted by el_toonces on April 10, 2002 at 15:35:24 PT:

A little bird? in "Three Little Birds Perched On My Doorstep?" FoM, you amaze me:).El
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Comment #25 posted by FoM on April 10, 2002 at 15:29:28 PT

That's ok. It happens. Thanks for sharing your feelings. I know for a fact that this thread will more then likely be read by the author. I know she received it. A little bird told me but I can only hope she reads it and understands how we are people too who have feelings and shouldn't be insulted by articles like this one.
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Comment #24 posted by floyd on April 10, 2002 at 15:22:12 PT

sorry about the bad formatting down there, it lost somthing in the copy/paste from my email ;)
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Comment #23 posted by floyd on April 10, 2002 at 15:20:29 PT:

Hey guys, we shuold all make sure we let the paper know what we think about its trashy article, here was my response, I hope you will all do the same. We have to speak up, or we will never be heard.----------------------------
Dear Sirs,
 After reading a recent article in your paper title "Toke's On These Humorless Jerks", by Andrea Peyser, I find myself torn between laughter and disgust.
 On one hand, I am laughing at the fact that anyone could believe/write something as pathetic, ignorant, and fictional as the article in question. I am also very amused that a professional news paper would allow for such rubbish to be published under its name. Do you realize how many people you potentially alienated in pushing this garbage onto the public? Its seems that not only does the American government believe its people to be gullable idiots, but the media is also willing to participate in the farce that is marijuana prohibition.
 I recently read an article on claiming college drinking alone kills as many as 1400 people each year. Aside from people shot during police raids, how many people do you think will die this year as a result of marijuana usuage? Yet Alcohol is legel, and apparently this isnt supposed to be taken as a joke...
 The other side of me, the side that is absolutely disgusted, is thinking about the people out there suffering from diseases far more painful and serious than I imagine miss Peyser can imagine. Not just a few, but thousands have found relief for their suffering in this apparently "evil" drug called marijuana. These people have no interest in paying terrorists for drugs, they just want to be as comfortable as possible in what is often the ends of their lives. Yet the American government is willing to put these people in jail and keep them from their medicine.
 With terrorism being such a hot topic lately, and bush labeling just about everything that moves as one, I start to find myself wondering what the definition of terrorist should be, and who should fall into that category. One might argue that an organization that will hunt people down and lock them in cages for a few decades at a time for smoking the odd joint in their own home to be a wee bit of a terrorist themselves.
 I would close off saying that this is just my humble opinion, but it isnt....its the opinion of thousands upon thousands who are tired of living in fear of their government.              Thank you for your time,
                       Jeff Kenneally
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Comment #22 posted by qqqq on April 10, 2002 at 14:19:38 PT

...Tom Jones...?
...I'm glad you were honest about your assumed origin of the jones SansSuperego,,,it cracked me up.,Maybe you kinda got it all scrambled up with some Humperdink thing...there is a Jones company that makes sausage products...
..most lead singers in LA rock bands use Obertos
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Comment #21 posted by SansSuperego on April 10, 2002 at 13:59:16 PT

So, that's what it's all about. I thought it had something to do with Tom Jones--you know, with those tight pants and all. He usually looks like he stuffed a summer sausage or perhaps a fairly good sized rodent down the front of his pants, and the lack of room down there always seems to be cutting off his circulation--so I thought that maybe "Jonesing" had something to do with needing to remove one's pants in order to get some relief.Ah, what do I know.SansSuperegoP.S. - By the way, great letter kaptinemo. I like yours too, idbsne1. And thanks, Dankhank, for the trip down memory lane with regard to "Basketball Jones."
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Comment #20 posted by qqqq on April 10, 2002 at 13:54:02 PT

..who's that knockin at the door?
....I'm not really an expert on slang,,,but I have lived in LA for over 20 years,,and I'm not sure of the origin,,but if you are "jonesing",,or if you have "the jones",,it means you really want more of the substance in question...An alcoholic who quits right away will soon find Mr Jones at his door,,,,,,,some one on a diet could jones for a hot fudge deep fat fried bacon cheesecake fritter.....
...I think "jonesing",also has a paranoid implication to it,,nervously seeking whatever it is that will keep the monkey on your back from bothering you.......
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Comment #19 posted by FoM on April 10, 2002 at 13:42:03 PT

Got It!
Now I understanding jonesing.

How about druggie?

How about doper?

PS: On the 70s show one time Red said: Not to bad for a doper. and Leo said: You say doper like it's a bad thing.

Where did these terms come from and how can they be used on the news? This is 2002!!!
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Comment #18 posted by Dankhank on April 10, 2002 at 13:35:04 PT:

Basketball Jones
Basketball Jones featuring Tyrone Shoelaces
- written by Richard A. "Cheech" Marin and Thomas Chong
- parody of "Love Jones" by Brighter Side Of Darkness
- as recorded by Cheech & Chong on their 1973 album "Los Cochinos"
- all-star band included George Harrison, Carole King,
 Billy Preston and Tom Scott, with Darlene Love and
 Michelle Phillips (The Mamas & The Papas) as cheerleaders.
- single peaked at #15 in 1973Basketball Jones, I got a Basketball Jones
Got a Basketball Jones, oh baby, oo-oo-oooYes, I am the victim of a Basketball Jones
Ever since I was a little baby, I always be dribblin'
In fac', I was de baddest dribbler in the whole neighborhood
Then one day, my mama bought me a basketball
And I loved that basketball
I took that basketball with me everywhere I went
That basketball was like a basketball to meI even put that basketball underneath my pillow
Maybe that's why I can't sleep at night
I need help, ladies and gentlemens
I need someone to stand beside me
I need, I need someone to set a pick for me at the free-throw line of life
Someone I can pass to
Someone to hit the open man on the give-and-go
And not end up in the popcorn machine
So cheerleaders, help me out{cheerleaders sing repeatedly...}
  (Basketball Jones, I got a Basketball Jones)
  (I got a Basketball Jones, oh baby, oo-oo-ooo){while Tyrone Shoelaces sings/speaks...}
  Oh, that sounds so sweet
  Sing it out
  C'mon Coach Booty, Red Blazer, sing along with me
  That be bad, honky
  I want everybody in the whole stadium to stand up and sing with us
  Oh yeah, sing it out like you're proud
  All right, everybody watchin' coast-to-coast, sing along with us
  Bill Russell, sing along with us
  Chick Hearn, sing along with us
  Chris Schenkel, don't sing nothin'  Oh, it feels so good
  Gimme the ball
  I'll go one-on-one against the world, left-handed
  I could stuff it from center court with my toes
  I could jump on top of the backboard, take off a quarter, leave fifteen
cents change
  I could, I could dribble behind my back
  I got more moves than Ex-Lax
  I'm bad
  I could dribble with my tongue
  Here I go down court, try to stop me
  You can't stop me 'cause I got a Basketball Jones
  Here I come
  That's my hook shot with my eyebrow
  Yeah, I could dunk it with my nose
  I'm, I'm bad as King Kong, gimme the ball
  I'm hot, I'm hot as..., I'm hot as..., I'm hot as... uh
  Uh, uh, uh, uh(Basketball Jones, I got a Basketball Jones, I got a Basketball Jones,
Basketball Jones)
(Basketball Jones, I got a Basketball Jones, I got a Basketball Jones,
Basketball Jones)
(Basketball Jones, I got a Basketball Jones, I got a Basketball Jones,
Basketball Jones)
(Basketball Jones, I got a Basketball Jones, I got a Basketball Jones,
Basketball Jones)
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Comment #17 posted by Patrick on April 10, 2002 at 13:24:44 PT

Jonesing for something
I am just guessing here FoM but I would venture to say it stems from the old saying to keep up with the Jones. You know, neighbor buys SUV so you get one too syndrome. To be jonesing for something means you need it like the Jones next door. So with that said don't bogart that joint my friend!!!
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Comment #16 posted by Dankhank on April 10, 2002 at 13:22:04 PT:

Cheech and Chong Album Number ...?, I forget .... but A song about a kid who loved Basketball so much that he lived and breathed it ... slept with the ball ... etc.Title was: "Basketball Jones" meaning BBall addiction.Oh, I said number ... be back later ...:-)
Hemp N Stuff ...
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Comment #15 posted by FoM on April 10, 2002 at 13:01:57 PT

Jonesing for a Joint???
What the heck does jonesing mean? Where did that expression come from?
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Comment #14 posted by kaptinemo on April 10, 2002 at 13:00:16 PT:

"Flood tubes, One and Two! Open outer doors!"
This frip needs a trouncing:Dear Sirs, Regarding Ms. Andrea Peyser's article "Toke's On These Humorless Jerks", I am having a hard time wondering if she is attempting satire or if she thinks this is an honest attempt at journalism. Her article fails at both efforts.The issues concerning cannabis (a.k.a. 'marijuana') are literally deadly serious ones for those who need it as a medicine. Ms. Peyser did your readers a disservice by treating this matter with the shallow, narrow-minded asperity she demonstrated. And considering the ugly fact that cannabis possession laws are considerably more personally devastating now than at the time of her 'experimentation', I can only conclude that she is as woefully ignorant of that issue as well as the aforementioned one. If this is the Post's idea of what constitutes respectable journalism, then no wonder your circulation is slumping.Sincerely,
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Comment #13 posted by MikeEEEEE on April 10, 2002 at 12:25:58 PT

Realized something
I'm not sure but I think the NY post is owned by Rupert Murdoch -- the Fox media, that could explain a lot.
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Comment #12 posted by goneposthole on April 10, 2002 at 11:52:06 PT

April 10, 1923
Adolph Hitler was in Berlin shouting out to a crowd, "more hatred, more hatred."What a guy
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Comment #11 posted by Sam Adams on April 10, 2002 at 11:45:28 PT

NY Post
Remember, we're talking about a publication here that is so comically pathetic that lampooning it used to be a regular feature on SNL, with great headlines like "Father Stuffs Son Into Hot Oven", etc. etc.It amazes me that the most sensationalist tabloid papers, which blatantly cater to the more ignorant and simple-minded folk in our society, are usually the most extreme right-wing. This is the case with the NY Post, Boston Herald, etc, etc.It's funny when you think about it - the Republican Party is an uneasy compromise between the kings of the business world, and the ignorant bigots of the U.S. The rich elite knows that they can't continue to get elected by representing only the rich 1-2% of society. So they adopt the moral views of the ignorant bottom third of the society - racism, sexism, xenophobia, religious hatred, etc. Hence you get a rag like the NY Post that is fervently Republican.Of course, this all fits in perfectly with the overall plan of dumbing down society and then pandering to "mob rule" to maintain control, a.k.a. the French Revolution. How else can you explain the rise of Howard Stern, popularizing sexism and racism, and many other "shock jock" types that are really just right-wing Men's Radio. Remember, the Nazi fascists were only able to take control by getting the majority riled up against the Jews. Many intellectuals cringed and laid low during WWII. I don't know many Republican, working-class people, but I imagine most of the ones under the age of 50 have either used the herb or still do, I really can't see this article resonating with a whole lot of people

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Comment #10 posted by el_toonces on April 10, 2002 at 11:06:16 PT:

I Say.....
.....just stone her:)..El
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Comment #9 posted by MikeEEEEE on April 10, 2002 at 10:55:17 PT

Arrogant bitch
I said enough.

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Comment #8 posted by goneposthole on April 10, 2002 at 10:54:19 PT

Aye, Chihuahua
Somebody take her out and get her dah-runk. Holy cow.
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Comment #7 posted by qqqq on April 10, 2002 at 10:29:15 PT

......Andrea Peyser....
...Let's give you a "sense of humor" test,,,you prissy arrogant bitch from hell!...Why dont you go try out some of your really funny material on John Waters,,I hear he's got a great sense of humor...Humorless Jerks are just too stoned to have fun.They cant understand advanced humor.The rollicking,,knee slappin' hilarity of those Andrea Peyser gags, can only be appreciated by those who have not destroyed the humor receptors with drugs. 
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Comment #6 posted by idbsne1 on April 10, 2002 at 10:12:53 PT

My letter....
I'm sorry if I seem a bit childish in my response, but this article was written with SOO MUCH bigotry, I didn't care to be civil to Andrea....*****************Hi I am writing to you about Andrea Peyser's Article..."Toke's on These Humorless Jerks".Is this piece really good journalism? Having a hypocritical bigot write for you?How would you like it, Andrea, if your right to choose whether to take a drink was taken from you... and you were locked up and your property forfeited to the Government?This organization, NORML, is trying to get fair laws on the books and to inform ignorant, stupid, bigoted Americans like you. Who the hell are you to make decisions for other Americans? Would you like me making decisions about YOUR rights? Idiot.Do you not know ANYONE who has taken a toke? Hypocrite. How many hangovers or drunken nights did you have? Hypocrite. How about that one "unfortunate" instance where you "tried" Marijuana at SUNY? If you were caught nowadays, you would've been kicked out of SUNY, faced some sort of jail time and/or fine, and would NEVER be able to obtain Federal Financial Aid again. For what? Smoking a plant that is safer for you than alcohol, tobacco, caffeine, saccharin, or ANY OTHER DRUG OUT THERE!!!!??? LEGAL or ILLEGAL!?!?!? Hypocrite. Ignoramus. Self-righteous A$$hole.Why don't you do some research on this? Real research. Not data or information supplied to you by NIDA (National Institute on Drug Abuse). The Rest of the world is figuring it out...try countries like the UK, Canada, Spain, Switzerland, Holland, Germany, Luxembourg, Portugal, Israel, Belgium, Australia, Jamaica, etc....or did they teach you how to do research at that FINE institution of SUNY?
***********************What a waste of space this article was.....idbsne1
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Comment #5 posted by Ethan Russo MD on April 10, 2002 at 09:23:15 PT:

Clever? Provocative?
Not!A waste of newsprint: Affirmative.
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Comment #3 posted by kaptinemo on April 10, 2002 at 08:50:49 PT:

Judging from the apserity in Ms. Peyser's
article, I would have to assume she is either naturally astringent in her attitude...or is suffering a major case of PMS. Someone get her some Midol or something... 
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Comment #2 posted by Morgan on April 10, 2002 at 08:43:33 PT

A Joke
Andrea Peyser. Ba-dum-dum.
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Comment #1 posted by p4me on April 10, 2002 at 08:43:01 PT

"Do you?" shot back an indignant Dr. John Morgan, illustrating the drug's paranoia-inducing side effect. Desire not to be locked up and slapped with big lawyer fees and a criminal record despite the fact that the 1972 Presidential Commission called for the relegalization of marijuana, is not a false paranoia, dumba$$.The guy that wrote this needs a new line of work. He acts like he has insight that a reader probably does not. Well, if he has great insight he should tell us all why marijuana will get you locked up. The government is at a loss as to how to sustain the crappy laws in the face of rising public desire to change the marijuana laws. This guy could not help. It is a lost cause even if dumba$$ reporters keep throwing $hit on the wall. It just has no place to stick anymore.And I do not think that NORML went to New York to cause trouble like it said in this dumb article. They went to try to change the stupid laws that should have never been on the books or at least removed in 1972 after the Presidential Commission called for their removal. This article is stupid.VAAI
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