cannabisnews.com: Smoke Damage Smoke Damage Posted by FoM on January 03, 2001 at 10:18:52 PT By Stephen Kessler Source: Metro Sometimes I wonder what I might have amounted to if I hadn't become a pothead 30 years ago, when I was in graduate school, and pretty much remained one ever since. If not for marijuana, by now I'd probably be securely tenured in some English department and my mother would be able to brag to her friends about her son the doctor of philosophy. I'd be fluent in Academese, a respectable specialist in some form of critical theory, a teacher admired by his brightest students, a defeated imaginative writer, and a wretchedly unhappy and neurotic person. This, at least, is how I envisioned the path I was on at the time and where it must inevitably lead. Luckily, marijuana intervened. Getting high, for me, in 1969, at the age of 22, provided a vitally helpful perspective on the pettiness and irrelevance of an academic career to the creative vocation I felt was calling me. Following an acute psychotic episode--usefully assisted by psychedelic drugs, which triggered the explosion of all my internal conflicts and contradictions--I left the doctoral program and its generous fellowship for the full-time pursuit of my first love, poetry. This may not have been possible without a small but steady independent income that enabled me to live without a "real" job, but that financial independence was also existential in that the freedom it afforded left me no excuses for not doing what I claimed to want to do, which was to write. Smoking marijuana gave me courage, at the time, to follow my deepest imaginative instincts, not only in the actual writing of poems but in the larger arena of making decisions about my life and how I wished to live it. Contrary to conventional wisdom, my judgment felt to me more fundamentally sound when I was stoned than straight. Encouraged by the permission I felt to write without parental or professorial approval, I set out on the slow, uncertain, and mostly thankless path of the young poet, laboring over less-than-brilliant lines, writing, revising, sending the finished works to magazines, occasionally publishing, more often collecting rejections. Through most of this artistic apprenticeship I was accompanied by the sweet smell of burning hemp, whose presence surrounding my efforts seemed to expand the atmosphere of creative possibility, enhancing my sense of heroic romance on the seas of the blank page, that heady journey into the unknown. Frequently stoned as I indulged my imagination, I knew I was learning something about poetry, about writing, and about myself. From there it was a slippery slope into the harder stuff: translation, criticism, journalism, editing, and publishing. In the years since my earliest days as a dropout hippie poet I've managed to make a working life for myself in these various branches of literary practice, and while I wouldn't presume to credit pot for anything I've managed to accomplish, I do believe its companionship has helped me maintain a certain equanimity amid the myriad distractions, confusions, and aggravations of the surrounding world, enabling me to focus on what matters most, or what I most enjoy. If anything, marijuana has tempered my ambition, relaxing the compulsion to overachieve and giving license to play. It is this sense of permission--or permissiveness, as the virtue-pushers would have it--that makes the forbidden herb, for me, a useful antidote to the various societal prohibitions against, for example, "doing nothing." Pot reinforces my instinctive Taoism. Maybe that's why it's considered by some to be a dangerous drug: if everyone used it, nothing would get done. But paradoxical as it may seem, it is precisely when "doing nothing" that I tend to get the most accomplished as an artist. Or the deep involvement, the timelessness, experienced in the flow of creation may feel so aimless or effortless that it might as well be nothing, except for the fact that when I resume more consciously purposeful activity I often find persuasive evidence that I was doing something after all: a written text or other crafty artifact, a rack of freshly washed dishes, a stack of firewood, a pile of paid bills whose checks were written while listening to music or some radio show. Stoned or straight, I find these kinds of meditative activities to be a means of grounding myself in the mundane patterns and rhythms out of which imagination rises. The content, style, and quality of what I write are not, I've found, especially affected by whether or not I've been smoking, but I am aware, when high, of more intimate sensuous relations with the language, with the texture of lines and sentences, with a kind of musical understanding not always readily evident to my more rational and sober self. The mild psychosis induced by this subtle alteration of consciousness may provide a different angle of vision, or revision, that can be of use in making esthetic decisions--what works and what doesn't, how to refine some detail, trim out the excess, or develop some incomplete idea. Obviously such working habits are more dependent on the mind and skill of the individual than they are on what drugs he may or may not be taking. An idiot on marijuana is still an idiot, possibly more so. And one's response to pot may vary greatly, depending on personality and circumstances. The health effects of smoking anything cannot be entirely positive, and I've seen enough stupid people in herbally induced stupors to be disabused of any evangelical notion of marijuana as a panacea. Like any other substance--food, tobacco, caffeine, alcohol, television--its abuse can be toxic and destructive. But unlike these ordinary and often insidious additives to daily life, pot remains not only legally prohibited but even now, at the turn of the millennium, socially stigmatized in a way that, say, coffee (a truly mind-altering substance) is not. Among my friends, some smoke and some don't, for reasons of their own--just as I don't drink coffee because it makes my stomach jumpy--but the ones who do are just as productive in their lives and work and social contributions as are the abstainers. Anecdotally speaking, I've seen no correlation one way or another between marijuana use and creativity, citizenship, ethics, or character. What I have noticed when smoking with friends is a ritual affirmation of time-out, a refreshing pause in the everyday onslaught, a moment of quiet dialogue to savor, an island of sanity in the rush of events. Different people have different ways of relaxing, but those who habitually watch TV--whether in the lethargy of their own living rooms or in the noise and convivial drunkenness of a bar with ballgames blaring--seem to me far more at risk for various psychopathologies than those who routinely prefer a few tokes of pot. While I don't exactly take pride in my own habit, I don't consider it a major vice. A couple of puffs in midafternoon, following a late lunch, or at the end of a longish day, in the cocktail hour, or in the evening while listening to some especially beautiful music, strikes me as an eminently civilized way of decompressing the psyche. Whenever I find myself using it more than feels healthy--when I wake up in the morning foggy-headed, or feel a strain on my respiratory system--I may take a break for a few weeks as a way to remind myself of the drug's potentially negative effects and to refresh my appreciation of its positive ones. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone, especially children (I'm content with the knowledge that my 18-year-old daughter doesn't use it), but neither would I discourage the curious from trying it in a conscious, responsible way. Partner, collaborator, accomplice, friend, companion--marijuana, over the years, has woven itself gently into the pattern of my life in a way that may have prevented me from pushing myself above and beyond whatever I've done as a writer. Without the benign corruption of pot, who knows, I might have been a contender. Instead, up to now, in my early 50s, I've managed to maintain my physical and mental health, create a few works I hope may be worth saving, cultivate many lasting friendships, and contribute what I could to my communities. For someone of alternately competitive and contemplative tendencies, the path I've taken, accompanied by the herbal reality-check of marijuana, feels to me thus far to have been a reasonable compromise. As my father used to say, "Everything in moderation." NewsHawk: AnonymousSource: Metro (CA)Author: Stephen KesslerPublished: November 23-29, 2001 Copyright: Metro Publishing Inc.Address: Metro Letters, 550 S. First. St., San Jose, CA 95111Fax: (408) 298-0602Contact: letters sjmetro.comWebsite: http://www.metroactive.com/metro/DL: http://www.metroactive.com/papers/sonoma/11.23.00/pakalolo-0047.htmlRelated Article:How Marijuana Ruined My Lifehttp://www.marijuana-uses.com/examples/kessler.htm Home Comment Email Register Recent Comments Help Comment #11 posted by kaptinemo on January 05, 2001 at 05:32:41 PT: Tunnel vision I'm smiling as I write this.When I read an article, I also read all the comments as well. *All* of them. Dr. Russo's comment has been especially prescient on this one. Many of us who have replied to it have done exactly as the Good Doctor has prophesied: took their cues in responding largely from a somewhat narrowly focused viewpoint. I do not believe Mr. Kessler was in any way attempting a logical 'Trojan Horse' by seeming to favor cannabis while actually deriding its' usefulness. On the contrary. Sadly, some here have somehow reached that conclusion. Some have even confused the NewsHawk with the author. That doesn't bode well for us. Because engaging in such tunnel vision is how the antis trip us up.As far as EJI's assertion that he fears cannabis use has destroyed his memory, I would strongly recommend to him that he seek out his physician and undergo a Thyroid Stimulating Hormone test to determine if he has hypothyroidism. Having suffered from the same malady, I can tell you that a normally eidetic memory can take a severe blow from that particularly insidious disease. Sluggish thinking processes and short term memory lapses after abstaining as long as he has can't always be laid at the feet of Lady Cannabia. [ Post Comment ] Comment #10 posted by Occassional Pot User on January 04, 2001 at 03:57:53 PT "accomplish more" You are giving in to society. Pot is quite a solitary drug, just as any drug or food intake not associated with "power" (meat).As to those complaining of memory problems, pot gets your brain in a more forward thinking, and enhanced sensory mode. Yes it might make you more "paranoid", but as the saying goes, only the paranoid survive in life.The reason we have socialization in the world is simply for the sake of controlling mass amounts of people. Alcohol makes people depressed, so they feel they need to bond with another happy person to survive.Its 3:04am and I've been trippin on veggies for weeks now. Oh, did anyone notice that most illicit drugs come from plants? Well, if you eat vegetarian (or vegan) it is just like being high on dope all the time.Live your life the way YOU want to live it, not the way others want you to live it. [ Post Comment ] Comment #9 posted by dddd on January 04, 2001 at 03:16:12 PT My brain on drugs I started smoking weed at age 14.I smoked massive amounts daily after that.I started dropping acid at age 15.By the time I was 17,I had taken it over it 200 times when I quit keeping track.I must have done twice that by the time I was 20,along with mescaline,mushrooms,alcohol,etc.I was a heavy user,and definitly an abuser.When I was 19,I met this Mensa person,who encouraged me to sign up to take the Mensa supervised I.Q. test.I was smoking weed every day at this time,morning till night.I got drunk,and stayed up way too late the night before the test.I smoked a couple of bowls of prime Nepalese finger hash on my way down to the test that morning.I figured that I would end up scoring below average anyway. The tests lasted all day.There were three seperate tests,they were timed,and supervised.I smoked a couple of more bowls of hash as I drove home thinking of how low my score would be.It was a 2 hour drive,and I thought about how my intellect was probably shot from all the excessive amounts of drugs I'd done.The results of the test were to be mailed to me in a couple of weeks. I'm not telling this story to try and say that drugs are good,or harmless.I'm lucky I came through it all with most of my gray matter intact.Who knows,if I had never taken drugs,I could very well have accomplished alot more in life than I have.This is just they way things happened,and who knows,LSD may have somehow enhanced my mental agility.I just wanted to tell my story to say that drugs dont necessarily make you stupid.It's stupid to abuse drugs like I did,and heavy marijuana use probably does dullen ones ambition somewhat,but drugs are a part of life nowdays.Some like 'em,,some dont. Drugs themselves are quite harmless compared to the harm done to peoples lives in the name of the War on Drugs.You can really mess up your life with drugs,but it's nothing compared to how messed up your life is after getting busted,and serving time in prison.The war on drugs is far more dangerous than drugs themselves. I scored in the top 3 percent worldwide in the test............................................dddd [ Post Comment ] Comment #8 posted by scott on January 03, 2001 at 18:24:03 PT: Hmm Hello, my name is Anonymous, I was most likely paid by the ONDCP or the Partnership for a Drug Free America to write this story. Either that, or I was just a useless piece of crap when I was younger who had nothing better to do than be irresponsible, and now that I've realized how irresponsible I was, I must find something to blame it on other than myself. Thank you. [ Post Comment ] Comment #7 posted by freedom fighter on January 03, 2001 at 17:36:07 PT Elliot, you probably have another set of problems that had nothing to do with cannabis..12 days aint enough, try 90 days and come back!Anyway, brain damages or not, still does not make it right to put any person in prison for growing/toking cannabis.So, quit blaming the cannabis. Maybe it is just your brain being fried wither if you smoke cannabis or not! There are enough fools trying to blame cannabis because they think cannabis turn them into bats!I certainly do not think loss of memory is a funny thing whatsoever. I look my mother, her memory is not so sharp anymore and she does not even smoke cannabis. You sound witty enough my friend! [ Post Comment ] Comment #6 posted by observer on January 03, 2001 at 13:51:11 PT study mentioned you might want to look into a study conducted by Johns Hopkins University on marijuana and memory.http://www.marijuananews.com/american_journal_of_epidemiology.htmhttp://www.marijuananews.com/long_term_marijuana_smoking_does.htmhttp://www.marijuananews.com/johns_hopkins_study_shows_long.htm [ Post Comment ] Comment #5 posted by Juan Costo on January 03, 2001 at 13:41:58 PT For EJI The symptoms you describe are those of depression. I recommend exercise. Its great for reducing anxiety/depression. If you're really worried about long-term effects of marijuana on memory, you might want to look into a study conducted by Johns Hopkins University on marijuana and memory. I don't have a link for you, but because the results are so promising for pot smokers -- and there seems to be a connection between pot smoking and computer programming -- I'm sure you'll have no trouble finding it on the internet. [ Post Comment ] Comment #4 posted by EJI on January 03, 2001 at 13:21:37 PT: It's killed my memory and I'm very worried I won't bore you all with my life story, but I've been smoking for a number of years - casually for 10 years and heavily (4-6 joints a night) for the last 3 years. Suffice to say, I've recently quit for good when I realized I was stoned without smoking (at least a little bit)!Whilst I agree with all of what the author wrote and will miss the great slant on life that smoking grass offers, it has, I fear ruined my ability to think quickly, have witty retorts and remember things easily of an everyday nature. I have become easily distracted and can only concetrate on one thing at once. Whilst I have a taxing job, I work for myself and did not realise how debilitating this drug is. Had I worked for a bank, I'm sure my condition would have been spotted by superiors. Working on my own business allowed me the luxury of thinking I was okay and that the slight haze in the morning was the result of last night. I was scared to stop and see whether this was true. Alas, the effect seems chronic. I can't be bothered to do things anymore and have noticed the simple sparkyness that denotes a youngish person (29) has diminished considerably.Before anyone replies - "Rubbish" - I would have thought the same just 1 year ago. If it happens to you you will remember this comment. I now have not smoked grass for 12 days and have not seen any improvement in memory or concentration yet. If I remember to look back at this thread! - I'd appreciate hearing any similar experiences and their outcomes. Some of my friends say that I must wait much longer for a reversal but it will happen. My background is Physiology and I fear brain damage is permanent.Elliot [ Post Comment ] Comment #3 posted by sm247 on January 03, 2001 at 13:10:14 PT blame game Why are you blaming marijuana for what you have not accomplished if not for smokin it you may not have even made it as far as you are now you could be slaving in some pathetic factory instead. [ Post Comment ] Comment #2 posted by Kindone on January 03, 2001 at 12:10:44 PT Well Said Marijuana always has been and always will be man's companion. I've found pot smokers all around the world to be regular people who enjoy life and the compliment marijuana brings to it. I see the world's fear a result of ignorance and misconception their not eager to relinquish. It's up to all of us to responsibly advocate this fabulous plant. [ Post Comment ] Comment #1 posted by Ethan Russo, MD on January 03, 2001 at 11:05:49 PT: Public Reaction It will be interesting to see how people respond to this. I suspect that everyone will continue to grasp their pre-conceived notions, whether positive or negative. Many will continue to see this writer as a subversive degenerate who deserves to be imprisoned, while others of us will perceive him to be a productive and responsible normal person. The trouble is that the former hold the reins of power, and are likely to wield it to the detriment of all others with an independent frame of reference. [ Post Comment ] Post Comment Name: Optional Password: E-Mail: Subject: Comment: [Please refrain from using profanity in your message] Link URL: Link Title: