cannabisnews.com: Telling Kids About Drug Past Always Troubling!





Telling Kids About Drug Past Always Troubling!
Posted by FoM on August 23, 1999 at 10:54:46 PT
Jon Tevlin, Star Tribune
Source: Star Tribune
When Bruce Bomier heard Texas Gov. George W. Bush stumble last week over questions about alleged drug use in the past, he felt the sting of recognition -- and some sympathy.
Bomier, owner of the Institute for Environmental Assessment in Brooklyn Park, has had that discussion at his own kitchen table with his kids. So have many of his friends. "By now, most parents I know have tried drugs at some point," he said. "At some level, they will all have to go through something like this. So I think it's good for people to watch someone in leadership deal with it."Bush, who had earlier refused to discuss rumors of his drug use, began addressing the issue this past week. After being pressed again on the issue Friday, he said that fellow baby-boomer parents should warn their children about drugs and alcohol. "We owe children that responsibility -- to share our wisdom," Bush said.Bomier, who wrote a booklet called "Marijuana and the Responsible Parent" to help people discuss the issue, couldn't agree more. But he and drug experts acknowledged that the social taboo against any drug use -- and the fear of losing respect or even a job -- often forces adults into closets of secrecy.Indeed, more than a dozen adults who will admit privately to using drugs in their past were contacted for this article, but none would agree to use their names, not even those who have shared the information with their families.One, who grew up in Holland where drug use is tolerated, worried it could hurt his business. Another, an attorney, has talked openly about being arrested for civil disobedience during the Vietnam War, but declined to discuss smoking marijuana at age 21."You can't admit it in this country. You just can't, and that's unfortunate," said Mark Willenbring, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Minnesota and an expert in the treatment of addicts. "We have demonized any and all drug use as somehow immoral."The only way you can talk about it is if you have been addicted and gone to treatment, and that it was the worst time in your life, but now you no longer use. You can't say you were a user and it didn't ruin your life. It goes against the dogma."But, Willenbring said, that's the reality for most people. Being honest about it would help American families grapple with the issue of drug use.Politicians, however, seem to realize that the American public might not be ready for that yet. President Clinton's confession that he smoked marijuana made him the target of ridicule. Rep. Andy Dawkins' (DFL, St. Paul) admission to having smoked pot certainly didn't help his bid to become mayor of St. Paul. And when Gov. Jesse Ventura acknowledged his youthful indiscretions while in the Navy, he was widely criticized.Drugs and work Although average Americans don't usually have to deal with past drug use as publicly as Bush, many have a lot to lose if it does come up. So, they refrain from discussing prior drug use for fear it could hamper their career, or even cost them a job.Minnesota laws are some of the strongest in the nation in protecting worker privacy, according to Nancy Brostrom Vollertsen, an employment attorney. She said a large number of Minnesota firms now test for current drug use, but she would not advise her employer-clients to ask about prior drug use. "If an employee participates in an illegal activity today, it may be pertinent," she said. "But I think if they did it years ago, it is not an indication of how they act now."Companies are limited by law in the ways they can ask about such things as drug use. Prying into personal health, for example, is illegal in Minnesota, so questions about addiction aren't allowed. But if it comes up, job seekers or employees should deflect the question without becoming defensive, according to Linda Holstein, an attorney. " 'It's none of your business' is not a good answer," she said. "I think most employers respect candor."Vollertsen said that responding with, "I went to college in the '60s, what else can I say?" might be an effective diversion for an employer.People who work in law enforcement or security don't have the same protections, and may have to account for past drug experimentation, attorneys said.But what about those who work with kids? Are drug questions fair?Probably not by an employer, but that won't stop students from raising the issue."It's a difficult question to answer for a teacher," said Ed Donahue, principal of Bloomington Kennedy High School. "Kids have a good sense for honesty, and if they sense you are not telling the truth, you lose credibility. But some teachers are also tempted to give kids the indication that they've 'been around the block' to gain credibility. So it's a difficult line."Most teachers probably try to be honest, "which results in a lot of vagueness," said Donahue.Talking to kids Many adults face the Big Question most frequently from their children, and experts say parents should be forthright, with a caveat:"Tell the truth, but not the whole truth," said Victor Strasburger, professor of pediatrics at the University of New Mexico School of Medicine and author of "Getting Your Kids to Say No in the Nineties If You Said Yes in the Sixties.""If you did five-to-ten in the state penitentiary for drugs, that is probably not really useful for your kids," said Strasburger. Drug use -- like sex should be an ongoing topic of conversation focused on the present, not the past, he said."The focus needs to be on the children, not on the parents' history," said Ariel White-Kovach, executive director of Hazelden's Youth Services, a treatment center based in Minnesota. "Parents need to talk to each other first to find the delicate balance between a person's boundaries and privacy on one side, and personal credibility on the other," she said.And, as Bomier points out, how Bush and parents respond to drug questions may be as important as whether they ever did drugs. "I don't think a person's past life is something we have a right to pass judgment on. But in a way, it is a test of character," he said. "How does a person deal with the truth?"Star Tribune librarian Linda Scheimann contributed to this article.Published Sunday, August 22, 1999 © Copyright 1999 Star TribuneCounselor Says Dope is Getting Dangerous - August 21, 1999http://www.cannabisnews.com/news/thread2572.shtml
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