cannabisnews.com: The War on Drugs Starts at Foot Locker





The War on Drugs Starts at Foot Locker
Posted by CN Staff on January 15, 2004 at 15:20:15 PT
By Joe Donatelli, Scripps Howard News Service
Source: SHNS 
Stunning news from the world of science - the same family of chemicals that helps marijuana smokers catch a buzz might also be responsible for "runner's high," the joyful feeling that some people experience when they exercise. Researchers from the Georgia Institute of Technology and the University of California Irvine spent three weeks following Phish around the Midwest in a rainbow-colored bus inside which they smoked an ounce of kind bud a day and scrawled their findings on the inside of an empty case of Old Milwaukee. 
Kidding! It was a twelver of Natural Light.According to Reuters, researchers studied 24 men who biked or jogged for 45 minutes and found that they produced high levels of anandamide. Anandamide is a cannabinoid, which is a naturally occurring chemical that produces sensations similar to those of THC, the psychoactive substance in marijuana."No other study has ever considered this possibility, which is why the results are significant," said a researcher, forgetting to add, "We were lying on the hood of my El Camino staring at the moon - it was about to crash on us - when we came up with the cannabinoid theory. Cannabinoid is a funny word. It has noid in it. Avoid the Noid."Traditional media have yet to pick up on this story - and it's no wonder. To accept this study as true is to conclude that:- All joggers are stoners.Or:- All stoners are joggers who just happen to dislike the running part of their favorite pastime. Now some of you might be saying: "Stop right there! Joggers aren't stoners. Joggers are healthy people."Are they healthy? Or are they simply addicted to Sweet Lady J-O-G?Consider:I've known joggers who woke at 4:30 a.m. to run. I've never met a stoner who rose that early to do anything.Most joggers indulge once a day or several times a week - often during their lunch hours. In my experience, most marijuana smokers only toke up on weekends or social occasions - and they never miss lunch.Since 1980, the number of runners finishing marathons has increased 400 percent. Between 1979 and 2001 the percentage of high school seniors who have smoked marijuana has decreased 11.4 percent.Let's not forget that Presidents Clinton and Bush - two guys known to Blutarsky a keg or two out the window in their wilder days - are both avid joggers. And most telling of all:Thirty-four million Americans run at least once a year. Twelve million Americans smoke weed.Need I go on? If this study is true, jogging is the most commonly used illicit drug in the United States today - not marijuana. And why not? It has all the classic drug traits. Like most drugs, there are countless street terms for this vice: "run," "jog," "train," "cross train," "sprint," "steeplechase." Worse, many experts see jogging as a gateway sport into even more intense, cannabinoid-rich athletic endeavors, such as marathons, soccer, swimming, iron man competitions, Tour de France, extreme fishing.One can only conclude that unless we take steps towards legalizing marijuana, the only fair thing to do at this point is to make jogging illegal. What's that, Mr. Jogger Man? Afraid the government might ban your favorite activity because it alters a few chemicals in your brain? Are you so addicted to the Big J that the mere thought of such a notion makes you angry? Get a grip, man. You're starting to act paranoid.Oh, wait, I forgot. You're probably just stoned out of your gourd on steeplechase.On the Internet: http://www.drugabuse.gov/ & http://www.runningnetwork.com/Joe Donatelli writes about his travels on the Gen-X landscape. Source: SHNS (DC)Author: Joe Donatelli, Scripps Howard News ServicePublished: January 14, 2004Copyright: 2004 Script Howard News ServiceWebsite: http://www.shns.com/Contact: DonatelliJ shns.comRelated Article:Marijuana Buzz Linked To Runner's High http://cannabisnews.com/news/thread18117.shtmlCannabisNews -- Cannabis Archiveshttp://cannabisnews.com/news/list/cannabis.shtml 
Home Comment Email Register Recent Comments Help




Comment #7 posted by The GCW on January 28, 2004 at 08:46:35 PT
LTE
Saturday, January 17, 2004 Dear Stan Parts I & II & III.5Enjoy.Dear Editor of The SHNS, All humor aside (The War on Drugs Starts at Foot Locker, Jan. 14, 2004), Biblically, medically and recreationally, many citizens use cannabis responsibly and are tired of various forms of government discriminatory deceit directed toward them. Citizens who are tired of the historically discredited cannabis prohibition, should support United 
States, Democratic Presidential nominee, Dennis Kucinich, who put in writing on His website that as President He will: "DECRIMINALIZE MARIJUANA" and regulate it similar to alcohol, which will effect cannabis policy nation wide. As a cannabis activist and obedient Christian, ending the policy of caging humans for using a plant is an important issue whose time has come. Truthfully, 
CONT. Viewed at: http://radio.weblogs.com/0130165/
[ Post Comment ]


Comment #6 posted by OverwhelmSam on January 16, 2004 at 03:16:06 PT:
This Problem With The Media Needs To Be Resolved
Virgil, the fact that CBS will show anti-marijuana commercials during the super bowl proves that they are lying about their policy on issue ads. The only thing I can think of to resolve this restriction on public service commercials, is to sue the netwrok and cable companies who are effectively censoring our right to free speech.
[ Post Comment ]


Comment #5 posted by Ethan Russo MD on January 15, 2004 at 16:35:54 PT
The Article on Which This Satire was Based
Ahem. The original study is interesting, but not extremely compelling. It was done based on blood levels of anandamide that have no reflection on brain levels, where it counts most. Additionally, the baseline levels of anandamide of the sedentary group were much higher than those of the habitual exercisers. There was no discussion of that.To do this properly would require cerebrospinal fluid (i.e., spinal taps) on the subjects, or some sort of imaging study that does not yet exist.
[ Post Comment ]


Comment #4 posted by Virgil on January 15, 2004 at 16:22:16 PT
CBS does not air issue ads
CBS turned down a 30-second ad from MoveOn.org with this statement on network policy-CBS spokesman said the decision against broadcasting the spot had nothing to do with either the Super Bowl or the ad's specific issue but was because the network has had a long-term policy not to air issue ads anywhere on the network. - http://www.adage.com/news.cms?newsId=39590I did not realize they did not take taxpayer money to continue the demonization of miracle weed. Damned, how is a government going to demonize miracle weed without constant and unwaivering lies? The lie could die.
[ Post Comment ]


Comment #3 posted by SoberStoner on January 15, 2004 at 16:13:35 PT
OT: Kucinich article at Washington Times
Not sure if this has been posted before, but Washington Times has a fairly good article about DK.http://www.washingtontimes.com/national/20040114-113844-3797r.htmSS
[ Post Comment ]


Comment #2 posted by E_Johnson on January 15, 2004 at 15:44:58 PT
Glow Maggot Brain
I have eaten from the maggots in the mind of the universe, but I was not harmed, because I knew I have to rise above it all or face drowning in my own sh*t.
[ Post Comment ]


Comment #1 posted by SystemGoneDown on January 15, 2004 at 15:27:34 PT
This is great
I've always wanted to create satire like this. It shows that you must laugh at the enemy. Without laughs, the anger of prohibition will get to you. 
[ Post Comment ]


Post Comment